It’s Sunday and this morning I woke up as I usually do, shocked into consciousness by a jolt of anxiety in the pit of my stomach. Tentatively I surveyed myself to check the damage. How bad is it this morning? The relief of realising that I didn’t drink last night, therefore do not have anything to worry about or feel ashamed of is immense and it’s one of the things I’m loving the most about this sobriety thing so far. Anxiety has been something I have battled my whole life and I do have to wonder how much alcohol has contributed to that. Finding out and hopefully reducing it is probably one of my biggest motivators in getting and staying off the wine.
More good news; I survived the weekend so far. Been reading a lot about sobriety toolboxes, I don’t really have one yet unless dashing to the supermarket to pick up chocolate, non alcoholic drinks and a huge carb filled dinner and stuffing my face in front of Outlander counts. I went to bed feeling slightly sick but with the realisation that wine would not have made my night better. I’d love to say I woke up this morning raring to go but the neighbours were having a party till late last night so sleep was hard to come by. I feel like a zombie this morning but at least it’s just tiredness, not the rest.
It was a week ago today that I got hammered with my friend and I’m very glad to be spending today very differently. Some meal prep for healthy lunches to take to work, vacuuming and reading are about all I have in mind, although I have one anxiety inducing event later today, a sober date. Not just any date, a first date. We’re having coffee so there won’t be any temptation to drink. Dating has always been a minefield for any sober intentions I have. My fears centre around being considered a weirdo, having another reason for people to reject me and further narrowing my pool of available options when the chances of finding someone compatible or even relatively normal in the over 40s dating scene is already pretty slim. I have been talking to this guy for a while and he seems nice so I feel it’s worth meeting him, but I think realistically I need to focus on the sober thing for the next few months if I want to make it stick.
No More Wineing 